everything is fast right now

right now so many things are flashing through my thoughts. what i am going to do this summer, what i am going to do this year, what i am going to do the rest of my life. why havent i done things ive wanted to do? why am i lazy? some cool things are happening to my friends, for example blake. http://blakerussell.blogspot.com/. blake if you dont want your URL up there tell me and ill take it down. not many people read this anyway. i have kind of an opportunity to work at a really cool ministry this summer, but it wouldnt pay. but if i could get this job it would open up many doors for the future, and this particular ministry is exactly the kind of thing i would like to do with my life. but at the same time i need to make money, more to please my parents and make money for school, than for the american dream. there are lots of things i would like to do this school year, most of which have to do with affecting people positively by how i live my life. some of which have to do with things like photography and writing. we will see.
i guess i am in a "band" now. i feel like a dumb kid who says "yeah, im in a band" when i say that. but me and my friends jeremy and dave and josh are kind of getting one started. it is great to get away from just playing worship music that is so set in the way that it is played. and write my own music for. not that i am that good at doing that anyway. i think i am ready to admit that i am self-conscious of my musical ability, probably because i have many friends who are incredible at music. and i hate the fact that because a few idiots have made comments to me about my talent, i take that and bury it and refuse to blow it off. that sounds a little stupid and pity partyish. but whatever.
i am being really honest on this thing, kind of weird, but its cool i suppose.
how are you guys doing? its kind of nice that blogspot isnt really used for communication, but sometimes its nice to know people's thoughts on things. so please feel more than free to comment on here. i think you can do it anonymously if you wish to.
LOVE|NICK

music pervert

i am going to try and keep this short, because i could very easily make it longer than i want to.
i recently read on one of my friends profiles that he doesn't like "secular" music because it is too perverted. if you ask me, christian music is the perverted industry. aren't we as christians NOT supposed to put on a perfect front, and then go out sell Jesus trinkets, and try to make a buck off God? granted some "christian" artists do an ok job, a huge majority of them are in it for the money, and because they cant make it in the secular musical world.
often times i hear christians say that christian bands dont get played on the radio because of their blatant christian lyrics. maybe its because christian music in general just sucks. if "christian" artists were up there with whoever else, wouldnt they be nominated for emmy's or grammy's or whatever the crap you get for music? or would they make up their own category as to not get left out.
i know personally, and listen to many artists who are christians and dont go under a christian label. and i think its hilarious that their "christianness" drops in value do to that. david bazaan, for example, i was reading an interview with him and he was talking about how at just about every show he plays at, people go up to him and ask him if he is really a christian because he swears sometimes in his songs. he said that he does not even respond to those people. this might be a little bit mean, but i bet he gets real tired of defending himself and his music. christians should not say they want honest music, because when they get it, they question it.
i am not sure what set me off about this, but whatever. i hope this makes people mad and makes them think about things.

LOVE|NICK

Jackson Pollock was not a happy man.

I have seen pictures of Jackson Pollock's paintings, and ive even seen a few in the MOMA in new york. after seeing his paintings, i made an unconscious decision that Pollock must be a happy dude. i dont know why i thought so, maybe i thought since his paintings made me happy to some degree, he must happy. because unhappy people cant make happy things. anyway as i watched the movie i was kind of surprised to find out that not only was he not a happy fellow, he was very much the opposite. anyway this is a lame and cliche observation, but i think alot of people are like jackson pollock. while they may not be raging alcoholics that piss in the fireplace in the middle of the party, they paint beautiful, seemingly happy paintings, and they are not happy people.
Make someone's day better.

LOVE|NICK

using kurt kobain

last night me and my chum marketh wampler watched possibly the most depressing movie i have ever seen. the movie was called "last days" and it was directed by a man named gus van sant. there was maybe a couple paragraphs worth of dialogue, and pretty much everytime someone did converse with "blake" (kurt kobain) they were asking him for something in some fashion. everyone in the movie save the occasional yellow pages salesman was stumbling around on a killer high that lasted way too long. they were baked to the point that life basically had meaning beyond how they could get the next round of dollars out of blake. blake was the epitomy of depression in his last day on earth, he went from the woods, to his huge house, to club, to greenhouse and i dont think he truly understood a second of his surroundings, i wouldnt be surprised if he had no clue what he was doing when he killed himself.

mark brought up the point that this is basically what we would be like if we did now know truth. and i agree with him. while i might not do a great job as serving God, and loving others, at least i know why am i here. this is isn't the deepest thing ive ever written but i wanted to share it.
LOVE.NICK